Finally up and running on Plentyoffish.com. I listened to Simone's advice and uploaded two photos, including a close-up to showcase my boyish good looks.
Filled in my vital statistics. Put 5'9 for height - would-be mates won't know different until it's too late.
Next they give you a few paragraphs to sell yourself.
Wanted to show I was honest, sensitive and not a typical online dating saddo - I can meet potential partners in the real world, they just have massive vaginas or depression.
Here's what I came up with:
Don't message if you're not prepared to lie about how we met. You must also be willing to love my depressed and often jealous cat, Mildred. You're probably already convinced, but if not, here's some other pertinent information: I make a mean lasagne, and my tea is to a professional standard; I don't have any physical deformities unless you count small nipples; and I am willing to try anything once - except incest and morris dancing.
Still waiting for my first message but it's early days...
38 Leave a comment:
If you don't find the girl of your dreams with that, I'll be shocked. Nothing better in the world than finding someone with a sense of humor like yours.
I would respond to that...which means that you should get some replies from beautiful, intelligent, witty and modest women :p
I've got my POF blog scheduled for tomorrow-
your opening statement when contacting women for a date :)
( I still think maybe you should have included what you do in life and what you're really passionate about.... might give her something to connect to)
Perhaps the addition of "massive vaginas need not apply" could pay off in the future.
Fantastic post!
When I've used dating sites and the man has lied or had delusions about his height, I end up feeling alternating sorry for him and his delusion or irritated at him for false representation which causes wonder at what else he might be falsely representing. The potential for second date is nil when this happens.
Side note: I'm 5'9" and I've dated men shorter than me by several inches. It's an honesty/self-awareness issue, not a superficial one.
"future partner won't notice until it's too late" -- starting off with a lie. typical male! :) and we do notice, by the way.
I like the way it says more about the cat's personality than yours.
You had me at "depressed and often jealous cat, Mildred."
Poetry, Aunt, Hannah, Kitty - any of you fancy a date?
Ren - I did...I'm passionate about Mildred and tea.
Keren - no, no, no...I can't reveal my personality to them until they are trapped!
A couple of things...
I'm with the others about being honest about your height. I had a dalliance with internet dating a few years ago (as research for a book I was writing), and found that men that claimed to be 5ft10" (on a good day) ALWAYS turned out to be little over 5ft7". Some women (like me) want to make sure that the bloke they date is taller than they are. Superficial I know, but it's a valid selection criteria - I mean, you wouldn't want to go out with a woman with a pasty face again, would you?
Secondly, whilst your dating profile is very witty and urbane (as we, your readers would expect), in a world full of weirdos who lick people in the park and ply their dates with Roofie-Coladas, I think that only a few women will read your profile and not think that you're one of the strange men that sniff knickers in the M&S lingerie department.
Just trying to be helpful! :-)
http://studsonthe22.blogspot.com/
If that doesn;t find you love nothign will. May I suggest one of your pictures is of your strangely small nipples?
Kate xx
But if everyone assumes men exaggerate their height then he's probably done the right thing. therwise he'd be putting 5'6 or whatever and girls would assume he was actually 5'2.
Very attractive prospect Fish. Why if I wasn't married....!
Haha brilliant I like how morris dancing and incest are lumped together as one big no!
Good Luck
I know what you mean Keren, but height is something that you should be honest about as it's quite easy to tell if someone's lied about it - unless they plan on wearing 'personality-lifts' a la Tom Cruise for the rest of their dating life!
Can't wait to see how online dating goes for you Fish. I assume you've used your own photo this time and not one of the legend that is Fernando Torres?
Every girl I've met from there doesn't believe that I am 6'7 and gets a bit of a shock when they get there that I am.
Don't see why you'd lie about something like that unless you were putting up a duff profile
Is this Peter Crouch?
I'm only lying by one inch...it just makes such a difference I reckon.
No comment. Abbey would kill me if she found out I'm on there!
That's awesome! I'd message you!
Now your only problem will be avoiding those lame introductory/first emails.....
I'd like to try your lasagne you boast about. :)
Michael.
Do you hate it too?
"If you're going through Hell, keep going."
You really must read my latest post, Personal Bads. I expel the single woman's perspective on men's personal ads (based on highly scientific research, of course). The nipple factor adds a whole new dimension, I must say. Tina sent me over here too. It seems we're all just looking out for your best interests, Plentyo'.
Robyn
No wonder online dating has a bad rep.
OMG- my latest blog is partially about my matches..... its not looking good!
Personally I don't think it's the height that matters, however I do choose shoes to wear to compliment a bloke's height, so I might be put out if I had expected someone to be four/five inches taller than me and worn higher heels as a result.
I think I let myself down a lot with mine, particularly the dance tunes and workaholic references
I can't imagine what the hold up is. Lying, depressed cat, embracing your small nipples, sounds like a winning package. Just remember, short women or big shoes ;)
good luck
..... * see comment left @Twitter*
;-)
Ani x
It sounds like a total smash. And clearly enough for anyone to overlook one pesky jealous cat.
haha. its funny. that would certainly catch my attention ;)
I hope Brits catch onto sarcasm better than Americans... any attempt at real humor in my previous online posts usually results in drawing the really special guys out. Good Luck!
I still want to see the tiny nipples!
I'm with Kate - nipples please!
Change it to your real height. Anyone who would judge you because of one less inch is not worth your time. Someone who is worth your time will wonder what else you lied about. Good luck.
Jimmy - we're all going to help you from another train wreck, but you gotta work with us ;). You sound like quite the catch - good luck with your search!! :)
Curious, how many dates did Mildred get out of this? :)
Brilliant! Even I would date you!!
I love to read interesting post that has knowledge to impart! Thank you for sharing your insights! I will avidly wait for your next blog entry.
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